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Valentine’s Day is approaching, so let us share in the love! While many of us will celebrate with our partners and family, there is one form of affection we need to avoid, Love Bombing! This is a manipulative behavior used to gain control and influence others. When does it happen? It happens when you are showered with excessive affection, attention, and compliments to create a strong emotional connection. A love bomber's ulterior motive is often to manipulate and exploit the person on the receiving end.
When first experienced, love bombing may seem like a genuine and overwhelming display of affection where you feel special and cherished. This can make it challenging to see through these gestures.
Mindfulness Counseling of NY therapist Camilla Soriano, LP-MHC associates love bombing with a few traits and thoughts to consider:
The Love bomber uses tactics intentionally to keep someone ‘distracted’ from other ‘red flag’ behavior they might be engaging in.
A love bomber might want to make amends after an argument and win the person back through gift giving, without a formal apology or owning the mistake. Gift giving may be utilized as a means to evade the requirement for personal accountability.
Love bombing is strategically delivered at the beginning of a relationship the most because people know that high emotions get in the way of logic and reason. Love releases many hormones (norepinephrine, dopamine, oxytocin) so our amygdala gets hijacked. Plus, our prefrontal cortex, which handles rational decision-making and logic, tends to stop working effectively.
Many people get a sense of ‘anxiety’ when they are getting loved bombed too. I would invite clients to pay attention to those somatic presentations (heart palpitations, shallow breathing, upset stomach).
Mindfulness Counseling of NY therapist Audrey Bowman LMSW adds, “Love bombing does not necessarily have to be intentional. Like so many other behaviors, it could be learned from unhealthy modeling or believed to be an expectation due to other relationships, parental and past.”
According to the Cleveland Clinic, Love Bombing can occur in three phases. One is the Idealization Phase, when you’re being swept off your feet with excessive love and affection. Second is the Devaluation Phase, when red flags appear, and the person may be becoming more demanding and potentially intimidating. During the third phase, known as the Discard Phase, when faced with confrontation, this person might refuse to compromise or cooperate and may abandon the relationship.
If you have a feeling there is some love bombing going on in your life, take a step back. Love bombing speeds up the relationship and it’s up to you to slow it down. Soriano shares ways to slow down the pace of the relationship and give yourself time to assess the situation.
Here’s how:
Create some distance to better assess the situation; you can do this by limiting the time you spend with them and limiting communication/contact.
Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason. Consult with your gut, if something feels off for you or ‘too good to be true’ it’s crucial to trust those instincts.
Victims of love bombing may find it challenging to break free from the relationship due to the emotional bond established during the intense phase. Awareness and understanding of this manipulative tactic are crucial for individuals to protect themselves from potential harm.
In summary, love bombing is a deceptive tactic that involves overwhelming someone with affection to manipulate and control them. Recognizing the signs and understanding the underlying motives are essential for safeguarding your emotional well-being in relationships.
Mindfulness Counseling of NY therapist Lauren Vidal LMSW shares a tip for the upcoming holiday ~ "Guard your heart, believe in your worth, and nurture your spirit; therein lies the essence of self-love."
Happy Valentine’s Day!